


All Around the World

by Merixcil



Series: Tumblr Fics [86]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26619364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merixcil/pseuds/Merixcil
Summary: Bruce has a busy night ahead and can't quite shake the Joker
Relationships: Joker (DCU) & Bruce Wayne
Series: Tumblr Fics [86]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759627
Kudos: 10





	All Around the World

“I don’t think I’m asking for the world here.” Joker holds out his open hands, failing to contain his laughter. “Do you get it? Because that _is_ the world.”

The world in question is a priceless, seventeenth century Chinese globe that has zero appeal to deranged Gotham clowns, as far as Bruce can see. It has no comedic value, no connection to the circus, and much as it’s very valuable to the right buyer, Joker doesn’t really go in for big pay outs anymore.

“I’m taking this back to the museum.” Bruce turns to leave. “If I catch you on the streets again tonight, I’m taking you in.”

Joker dashes ahead to cut Bruce off before he can leave the alley. “Aww, c’mon Bats! At least let me play with my toy for a bit before you call a timeout.”

“It’s not a toy.”

“Sure it is. It goes wheeee!” Joker spins the globe where it sits in Bruce’s arms and Bruce has to scramble to set it straight. He ducks around the clown but Joker trots after him, humming happily to himself.

Bruce purses his lips. “I suggest you take advantage of my patience while I am extending it to you. Go home, Joker.”

“Aww, but I don’t wanna! I’d much rather spend an evening kicking it with my best Batty pal.” Joker digs Bruce in the ribs, the sensation barely registering through the layered Kevlar of the Batsuit. “But I can reassign my affections to your newest Bat Brat if you’d prefer.”

Ridiculous. If Joker started mooning after Damian he’d be dead within a week. In the meantime, Bruce has to return the globe to the Gotham Museum, intercept a shipment of arms bound for the Falcones, pose as Matches Malone for a late night meeting of Penguin’s inner circle and all of this while keeping half an eye on Selina, who’s been rather unsubtly scoping out a new arrival to Park Row for the past week. This of all nights, he doesn’t have time for The Joker. “If you don’t leave me be, I’ll see to it that they throw you in solitary and throw away the key when I drag you back to Arkham.”

Joker blows a long raspberry. “Pish. The guards in solitary hate me, they’ll do anything to get me back to general pop.”

They turn the corner out onto the main drag and immediately attract the attention of half a dozen bystanders. Bruce groans internally, not looking forward to the ribbing he’d likely to receive from the tabloids when they catch him talking to The Joker rather than trying to cave his head in. To say nothing of what the conspiracy theorists online are likely to say, not that he particularly cares what people on the internet think of him, but Barbara compiles an annual ‘best of Batman bullshit’ book each Christmas and the less he encourages her the happier he’ll be.

Extracting himself from the situation runs the risk of smashing the globe, but that’s a risk he’ll have to take. Bruce scans the nearby buildings for a decent handhold and fires off his grapple when he identifies a sturdy looking ledge on the second story of a Bank of Gotham branch. His feet leave the ground to the sweet sounds of Joker protesting loudly, failing to drag him back.

Bruce’s feet have barely made contact with the worn stone of the building before Joker’s head pops up over the lip to his right. “Well, that was rude of you. Next time you feel like making a dramatic exit give a guy a little warning so we can coordinate.”

Bruce debates the merits of kicking the clown back over the ledge. His moral code forbids it. Barely.

Joker hauls himself up and rests an entirely unreassuring hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “No need for the long face, pet. We’re gonna have a rollicking good time tonight. All I ask is that you try to include me in your big bad crime fighting escapades.

Hands still tight around the mercifully intact globe, Bruce looks into the middle distance in search of a helping hand that isn’t going to come. It’s going to be a long night.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [tumblr](https://jeffersonhairpie.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/chadfuture_)
> 
> Comments are love!


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